This is my reflection on the 5-Day Silent Illumination retreat.
At the time of signup, I’d been curious about the Silent Illumination method. It’s supposedly similar to some other practices I’d done. Luckily, I still hadn’t read much about Silent Illumination. Thus, the retreat felt like a great opportunity to go in blind and simply immerse in Dr. Rebecca Li’s teaching.
The little I did know still managed to pose an issue. On the first day, I experienced heightened reactivity, and ended up mostly meditating as I normally do. Rebecca had begun giving more direct instructions, and by the morning of the second day, it was pretty clear that I was still engaging in and with preconceptions about the practice. For example, I was guessing ahead at next steps or cross-referencing against other methods. At this point, Rebecca suggested that we try to practice her instructions, if we hadn’t already started. (She reiterated this on the third day as well, so it must be a common occurrence!)
So I put down the idle conceptualization in favor of trying to simply experience the practice instructions as given. I also had a series of meaningful interviews with Rebecca. As a result, I got a lot out of the retreat.
A couple different takeaways:
Right View:
“Causes and conditions come together to form the present moment.” Right View was stressed to me as an antidote to the subtle conceit that meditation techniques are applied and cause a (typically fairly immediate) result. I started trying this throughout the retreat. Problem is, this feels much like “applying” emptiness. But once enough nondoing gained momentum, I began to understand practicing Right View as a similar form of cultivation. By itself, taking such a View only affects the present moment to a minor degree. But doing so contributes to a longer term development of firm understanding. The idea of “cultivation” is a newer one to me, and I think I have a better sense of its importance now.
Fresh, not stale:
Settling into nonreactivity revealed a startlingly rich and dynamic process of knowledge occurring. These experiences really helped reinforce Right View: causes and conditions form the present moment, and that is always, always new and fresh.
Facing yourself:
This quote from Hongzhi Zhengjue struck me, and Rebecca taught that it meant facing all of yourself. As mind movements flashed through and played out, phenomena such as greed, aversion, comparison, and shame were directly known. That was very insightful personally (and I think could help unstick both practice and personal pursuits). I hope to be able to continue to face myself in full.
I thank Rebecca for teaching this retreat, Chang Xiang Fashi for leading the ceremonies and practicing with us during his summer break, and all the volunteers. I enjoyed learning the Silent Illumination method, practicing with everyone, and chanting the Heart Sutra.
